First duty as class rep

I am one of two class representatives for the ICT4D program at the uni. I'm not sure exactly what I have to do, I will read about that later, but in brief I am the proxy between students and staff. I apparently represent the interests of students in our program at meetings and such, I also talk to program coordinators about our course, etc.

My first order of business: rat out a teacher for plagiarism. It turns out that a teacher (a doctor I might add) lectured us for 3 hours; all of which was completely plagiarized from one of a single author's published works. Quite a bad job of it too, she even copied the spelling mistakes; a dead give-away. A very big no-no for any academic, including students. Mostly students.

We had an entire session at the beginning of the year on plagiarism and its extreme severity, especially at the masters level. If found blatantly plagiarizing you will be punished very severely; most likely expelled. Pretty, pretty, pretty harsh [larry david voice].

It will be interesting to see what happens. I will keep you posted [pun intended]. I should note that this is quite an exception, most teachers I have are absolutely brilliant and thoroughly inspiring..... except of course this one........and maybe one more.

When in England....

We have been busy lately soaking up some English culture; what a jolly time.

2 weekends ago we took the train to Liverpool. It was a pretty cool place to visit, we visited museums, went on a double decker city bus tour and saw some Beatles sites. My favorite, by far, was going to the Cavern. Its the birthplace of the Beatles, a small pub in what is now called the Cavern District of central Liverpool; basically very narrow streets with lots of bars.

The Cavern is this tiny basement bar which has been mostly converted into a rock and roll shrine to the Beatles and everyone else who has played there strictly for nostalgic reasons: Michael Jackson, Bon Jovi....... Bryan Adams?!? It was pretty cool.

Last weekend we saw our first football (soccer) match. It was nuts! Manchester City vs Middlesborough. There was non-stop chanting and singing and taunting all game long. The supporters of the other team were kept separate from everybody else; for good reason. Security guards lined the entire section beyond the fencing and their portion of the parking lot was fenced off and heavily guarded by horseback officers. Supporters of opposing teams are physically unable to come in contact with one another...... and people tell me that hockey is violent.

Anyway, City won 3-1. I still have not decided which team to support, Manchester United, or Manchester City. I will see it the United fans can impress.

Things that make me curse

Moving to Manchester has offered a unique learning opportunity, not just a Masters degree in ICT4D, but also lessons in how British businesses are conducted. I am fine-tuning a valuable managerial skill-set in British business strategy, which I will offer as a consultant to anyone in North America looking to gain the British edge. Here are some pointers…

1. If your customer poses any problem that requires you assist them, for instance they did not get their package, they want to purchase your service or just a general inquiry you can do any, or all, of the following things:

1. If they call you make them wait on hold for 1 hour (if they are on a mobile phone it will be much more effective)
2. If they are stupid enough to wait on hold get them to talk to a complete moron with no training. Have that idiot hang up on them ‘by accident’. The trick is to let the employees get away with it so there is no possible recourse within the company. The customer can just call back and have the same thing happen four times (see a for what will happen to that customer).
3. Demand that the customer have a UK visa card and say that ‘International Cards just don’t work’. Claim that nothing can be done without a UK credit card. Tell the customers that those commercials claiming that “Visa is accepted everywhere” are actually false; everywhere except England.

2. If a customer wants to purchase your product:

1. Get them to help themselves as much as possible. From a business perspective this is easier and cheaper. In a restaurant for instance: make the customer find their own seat and menu, then have them seek you out to make their order and demand that they know their own table number. Unfortunately this will not get your staff any tips, but who gives a shit anyway, not your problem.
2. Make the process as difficult as possible. If it’s a bank account they are seeking, make it a four-step process that takes 12 business days to complete. Then make whatever demand you wish of them like “you must deposit 2000 pounds to open your account”. When the customer says that they need their account to conduct other business refer them to #1 above.
3. If possible, make them wait in a long line. The longer the better, then when they are close threaten to close the store so they feel like you are doing them a favour by actually selling them anything.
4. Appear to make it look simple by promising to deliver their purchase to their house. Take their money and then don’t deliver it.

3. Sales tactic: Make your services and products as complicated as possible. Confuse your customer so much that when they hear the word ‘Simplicity’ they whip out their cards to make a purchase (just make sure it’s a UK card).
These tactics appear to be quite effective so long as all companies engage in them; having a monopoly helps (BT). This way, customers come to expect it and rarely question your tactics. They will simply claim that it’s just the way things are done.